Eg. Born in a small town in South China in the early 50s, he grew up to be a famous musician.
【分析】這個句子表達了兩層思想:1. Born in a small town出生在一個小鎮 2. grew up to be a musician.長大成為了音樂家。這個句子應該分成兩句來寫。除此之外,還需要增加一些信息來連接兩層思想。
【提升】He was born in a small town in South China in the early 50s. In his childhood he liked to sing. Later he entered a music conservatory. In the 70s, he grew up to be an accomplished musician.
Eg. Daisy, who was the first-year student of college, would go to a par near her school every day in morning, she would bring a small recorder with her, in park she would find quiet corner and listen to a tape of English stories.
【分析】這個句子不僅僅存在語法問題,另外還有完整性,準確性問題。
【提升】Daisy, a first-year college student, enjoys studying in the park near her school. Each morning she brings a small recorder, finds a quiet corner in the park, and listens to a tape of English stories.